The Intimacy of Release!

            How do relational intimacy and release go together? So often we don’t think the two go together. The best kind of release happens when we have a vested interest in the person being released because they know how much we care. Often times we think that relational intimacy can only be maintained through close and frequent contact or communication.

            Two days ago Beverly, a friend I met after moving to Portland, called when she was reminded of me by all the talk of Wasilla, Alaska, where I lived four years in the 1980s. Because of the relational intimacy we have, it only took a short time to catch up, even though we no longer spend time together.  She knows she can talk about spiritual issues and I won’t judge or try to push my opinions on her, which gives her a forum to find the truth that will set her free. She values my opinions and knows that I will give her information about things that she might not be thinking about as she ponders the given subject, but release her to form her own opinions.

            Releasing is best done with loving, relational intimacy, where no strings are attached other than Christ-centered love. When we release based on love, we also are working with a level of trust that gives a launching pad for success. I think of those words of Christ, from John 14:12 “Greater things will you do than I have ever done.” Christ believes in us, just as I believe in Beverly. When you believe in someone, you have no problem wanting them to be all they can be; in fact, you rejoice in all they do.

            We have a choice how we release, and how we release affects the releasing process. We can release by just letting go, like a child letting go of the cat he has been struggling to get away. Or we can release by dropping, like an accidentally dropped cell phone call. Or we can purposefully drop a friendship, often through unresolved issues or feelings. The best way is to release the way you blow a bubble, with awe and wonder as you watch it float off into the sky.

            Over the years, through the intimacy of relationship, I have released counselors and clients, with positive feelings, with open doors through which we both can walk. This allows for a renewing of relational intimacy at a future date, as with Beverly.

I will be on vacation and I hope you will join me on November 1^st when we talk about intimacy and one of my favorite topic, mentoring!

Blessings and Complete Joy,

Mikki

Please check out our new Prayer Post page created for your personal & corporate prayer requests! God cares for you!

This blog is part of the ministry of Complete Joy and is published each Tuesday and Saturday, usually by noon Pacific Time. If you would like to visit our Web site for more encouragement and teaching, please go to: http://www.completejoy.org.

Intimacy in Action… Restoration!

            After receiving my blog about relational intimacy in which I shared my gratitude to Joy for spending many hours helping me with my writing, Joy responded by reminding me of her gratitude for the many hours I spent helping  her walk through her healing. For a number of years, she called me once a week, and we would work through the trauma of her childhood.  It was a painful process, yet as she worked to resolve issues of abandonment and growing up a pastor’s kid, she walked through the pain into the joy of restoration, and now things that used to bother her do not bother her anymore.

            When you are walking with someone through restoration, there is an intimacy that fosters the healing process.  Without a depth of relationship, trust is almost impossible to establish. We are not talking about co-dependence, nor are we talking about crossing professional lines. One of the key things relational intimacy must have is boundaries.

            The trauma we experience also wounds our understanding of intimacy or our ability to trust someone; therefore, it takes a level of relational intimacy to bring restoration, and restoring boundaries is a healthy part of the process.

            I have seen this process from both sides, experiencing relational intimacy in action. Many years ago, Fred Littauer walked with me as I discovered the truth of how trauma had affected my life. I was split into many personalities by the trauma of ritual abuse. But it was the love, care, and support my husband Steve gave me that brought the deepest healing. He was there every step of the way. He cared for me, not in hopes of sex, but rather because of the relationship we had. Our relationship was pushed to the limit and at times beyond, but we made it through because first and foremost, we are friends and genuinely care about each other.

            If we look at the Bible, we see David and Jonathan revealing real friendship. It was that relationship that David relied on as he walked the course with God, going from a shepherd boy to King, and in the process undergoing his own restoration.

            Relational intimacy in action can be as simple as a parent, co-worker, or friend providing a Band-Aid, to years spent building relationships that nurture the counseling process. Both are necessary and both are a key part of healing that brings restoration.

 

A note about restoration…

            For 20 years I have been fortunate to walk with people through their healing process, watching God bring emotional restoration. For some, restoration comes quickly, while for others, it takes years of relationship. Much of this depends on the depth of the trauma. Yet, no matter the trauma, restoration is attainable.  

 

 

Blessings and Complete Joy,

Mikki

 

Please check out our new Prayer Post page created for your personal & corporate prayer requests! God cares for you!

 

This blog is part of the ministry of Complete Joy and is published each Tuesday and Saturday, usually by noon Pacific Time. If you would like to visit our Web site for more encouragement and teaching, please go to: http://www.completejoy.org.

The Intimacy of Equipping

            Today we will discuss how intimacy affects those we teach.  When we care about those we are teaching, we take the time to connect with them. Joy, my editor, is equipping me to write more effectively so that I am able to share with you what is in my heart. She has spent countless hours equipping me. She has been honest and oh so helpful in my pursuit of written communication. She is an educator by trade, working at a university in Topeka, Kansas. She often has taken an hour after work on Wednesdays to give me a writing project or other exercise such as sentence combining, to help shape the writing you see. She doesn’t get paid for this time she expends; her only gratification is seeing my progress through the blogs I write.

            One day she will see even more as I finish the 13 chapters of the book I am working on. Even though that book may be months away, she still walks every step with me, equipping me for the journey. I know if I have a question or a problem, I can call her and she will help me. That is what it is to go deeper in an equipping relationship.  I know I can trust her, and our relational intimacy has allowed me to be honest about my faults and my challenges. I know she will give any criticism with the utmost respect for my story and who I am as a person. Intimacy has a level of respect that allows each of us to let down the veil which protects us.

            She knows the challenges I face with my eyes as I try to read, and how sometimes I am unable to read for more than 10 minutes, due to the effects of MS on my eyes. She doesn’t judge, rather she has empowered me to read as much as I can when I can, so I can grow.

            When I equip others, I find this rule to be true: it doesn’t matter how much you know until people know how much you care. So I ask myself, “Do I care enough to take the time with that person before I attempt to teach her a concept?

I sat with my friend Peggy as she struggled to understand the protection of God. I struggled with her, and we both rejoiced when the Lord showed her that Jesus was like an umbrella protecting her from the rain.  It took time to sit with her, even going so far as to open a real umbrella and help her stand underneath it as the Lord revealed this deep truth, changing her life forever.

Teaching is rewarding, but when you walk in relational intimacy, equipping happens, making change a rewarding emotional experience for both you as the teacher and those you are teaching –bringing with it growth for all, a natural and inevitable outcome!

 

Blessings and Complete Joy,

Mikki

 

Please check out our new Prayer Post page created for your personal & corporate prayer requests! God cares for you!

 

This blog is part of the ministry of Complete Joy and is published each Tuesday and Saturday, usually by noon Pacific Time. If you would like to visit our Web site for more encouragement and teaching, please go to: http://www.completejoy.org.

Empowered through Intimacy

            In the last blog, we talked about a mom reaching out to her child and how intimacy impacts our relationships.

            Today we are going to begin talking about how encouragement becomes empowerment when relational intimacy fuels it. I have been involved with Moms In Touch, a group whose sole purpose is to gather for an hour to pray for their kids and their school.  When I first walked into the school as a parent, I cared about my kids and their school; therefore, I cared about the teachers and the school.

I had been a parent of a Floyd Dryden Middle School student for about a year when I first heard about Moms In Touch. Glenda and I talked and decided to begin a Mom’s In Touch group at Floyd Dryden, so with a humble boldness, I went to the school to ask if we could pray for them. This was a strange beginning to a relationship as I crouched down next to the principal’s desk in hopes of getting his undivided attention. It is funny that is what I remember most about the first time I talked with the principal.

It wasn’t until the beginning of the following year that we walked into Floyd Dryden with a gift of cookies and a note for the staff.  Through the years, especially around the holiday’s we would have something special prepared. Teachers and our principal began greeting us in the hall and inviting us to be more active parts in the school’s activities.  They had an impact on us too! I really didn’t like the school nurse, but by the end of my daughter’s middle school career, the nurse became someone I loved.

As Karen neared graduation from Floyd Dryden, I said yes when the principal asked me to chair the graduation party committee. It was amazing that he encouraged us to invite the local Christian band to play for the kids.  I had been amazed at how our prayers empowered the staff to be the best they could be, and the tone and spirit of the school changed. I knew they cared as much about me as they did my kids; I was empowered to do the best job I could.

Because of the relational intimacy we walked out through our efforts at Mom’s in Touch, our teachers were empowered to teach our children who were forever changed.  Even today, one of those teachers still stays in contact with me, and I with her, because there is a real relational intimacy.  

 

The next time you think about reaching out to encourage, take the extra step to empower that person, and it will become a life-changing experience for both of you!

 

Blessings and Complete Joy,

Mikki

 

Please check out our Prayer Post page created for your personal & corporate prayer requests! God cares for you!

 

This blog is part of the ministry of Complete Joy and is published each Tuesday and Saturday, usually by noon Pacific Time. If you would like to visit our Web site for more encouragement and teaching, please go to: http://www.completejoy.org.