Afraid to touch heaven

31 03 2009


 At a meeting with several key intercessors from across Oregon, I found myself face to face with something I had never seen before, jewels from heaven. Madeleine, our host, showed us a picture of these jewels, which she said she had been finding all around her home for several weeks following their first appearance.


            Madeleine said she vacuumed on a regular basis, so she knew these jewels weren’t the same as the ones she had been collecting. I have heard of this kind of thing happening, but have never known someone personally. Before I knew it, Madeleine asked us if we wanted to see them and brought two sandwich bags, one with amethyst and the other with citrines stones in them. As we marveled at the stones, she said she had them appraised and yes, they were real stones.


            Coming face to face with such a story made me question what I really do believe. I know God heals, and I know God created the whole world out of nothing. So was it so far fetched that God would bring semi-precious stones out of thin air? I realized as I thought about it that I do believe God could do this. As Madeleine showed us the earrings she had made with two of the amethyst stones, she asked us if we wanted to take two. In my spirit I wanted to take them, but in my flesh, I wanted to run away; in my soul, I long to see this happen in my own home, with my own eyes.


            I chose two of the amethyst stones. Madeleine put them into a ziplock bag then I put them into my bag and we went on to lunch and the meeting which followed.



   Days later God prompted me to take the ziplock bag with the two stones out of my bag. As I did, fear began to well up in me, and I realized I was still feeling the same fear I had felt as I looked at the stones.  In the silence of my office, I began to process my feelings. I was afraid to touch heaven. Often times when I touch things, I sense what someone is thinking and feeling, and because of this, I feared what I would sense when I touched these stones, but I was only beginning to understand why.

            As I processed my feelings more, I came face to face with questions. Would I find that these stones were a fake? Would I find that heaven wasn’t real? Was I afraid to find out that secretly God really hates me? All of these fears were there, but the strongest of these fears was that I would find out how God really feels about me.

            I took the stones out of the bag, trying to side-step my feelings by talking to God about where I should put them. God didn’t answer me, and in the silence, I came face to face with my fear of touching heaven. I suddenly began to cry uncontrollably as I felt the stones in my hand. I thought I had come to terms with my past, that I knew God really does love me. Yet again face to face with heaven, I was still unsure of God’s love and feared He would strike me dead for touching heaven. As I continued holding the stones in my hand, I felt only love, the same love I had felt as I stood in the cloud of his presence as a small child, the love which sustains me now and will do so unto the end of my days upon the earth. How silly were my fears, yet those fears were real and undeniable.


            As the tears ended, I got up and praised God for his love as worship music played in my office. I still haven’t figured out what to do with the stones, nor do I know if I ever will see jewels materialize with my own eyes. But I sure do hope so, and I believe I have taken another step to be ready for heaven and the day I have the privilege of being in the presence of my Lord!


            This chain of events got me thinking. Is the fear of heaven a reason why people reject or flee from entering into the moves of God that touch our lives as I almost did that day at Madeleine’s house? If I had rejected the gift, I would have missed out on such a rich blessing.


            Martin Luther, a man not afraid to touch heaven said this: “I would not give one moment of heaven for all the joys and riches of the world, even if it lasted for thousands and thousands of years.”


Blessings and Complete Joy,



Check out our monthly memory verse on the Equip page as well as a copy of SOAP a bible study method you can copy and print out for yourself.
On our Mentor page you can find a copy of the original article James Autry wrote, upon which this series of blogs is based.
 Intercessors Heart; replaces the often visited Secrets from My Prayer Closet,  where you can read a personal prayer blog, find helpful prayer tips and current prayer opportunities and post your prayer requests to be shared with my intercession team.
This blog is part of the ministry of Complete Joy and is published each Tuesday and Saturday, usually by noon Pacific Time.



2 responses

31 03 2009

This blog’s great!! Thanks :).

7 04 2009


I am glad you were encouraged by the blogs, may you grow in your knowledge and understanding of God.


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